moments that change your perspective

You know that moment - the one where you think things are already at their lowest and can't get much worse - and then you find out: in fact, they actually can get worse.

Or maybe they were worse than you thought to begin with.

Let's just say that I am quickly approaching the point at which I am finished with the whole thing. As in, done. For good.

For weeks now, I've been having moments of hope. False hope, as it turns out. Just when I think that things might be getting a little bit better, then something bad happens to remind me that that isn't the case, and may never be the case, and it makes everything just a little bit worse.

Just when I think, "Hey, I wasn't mad today," then I find out I have a reason to be mad.

Just when I think, "That must mean that that person cares," I find out that they really don't.

Just when I think, "We've hit the absolute lowest point we're going to hit," I find out things that I didn't know before.

Murphy's Law, right?

Murphy is a bitch.

AUGH

I am not good with confrontations. This you all know, if you've known me for any amount of time.

When someone is upset with me, I much prefer that they come out and tell me, rather than tiptoe around the bush or walking on eggshells and just treating me like crap... but somehow, I can't find it in myself to do the same. I pretend that nothing is wrong, and I do it poorly. I can't figure out why I can't just come out and say, "Look, what you said/did upset me, and this is why." It feels like I've swallowed my tongue when I try.

Suffice it to say that, at the present moment, and for the last several days, I have been agitated. I am agitated. I am angry, hurt, frustrated, so on, and so forth. Add in all of those other words that mean that anger at you has stolen the joy from my last few days, and since you won't go away yourself, I have to find a way to cope with my anger towards you. This is me doing just that.

Thanks for letting me vent.